No one will ever understand that pain. Sometimes, I can't understand myself too. Even after 3 years, I'm still haunted and terrified by those memories, those cries, those wailings. Almost every week I never fail to think of them and each time, I end up bawling my eyes over it. Time was suppose to lessen the pain, but it never did these 3 years. Not once did it get easier. I know I'm not the only one who've lost but I can't help feeling so alone. At times I think I've gone  crazy because I honestly thought I would have stop my nonsense after a year or two at the most. But I didn't and I don't think I will in the near future. Many times I wish so badly to be nonchalant about all these because it affects me a lot and even in the simplest ways. Watching dramas,  witnessing other people leaving, hearing the wails, it really haunts me. So much so that I wish I was the one instead of them because I never want to go through any of that ever again. It just hurts so much and it's terrifying because I know it will never get any better from then on.